You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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