How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He better not be in your backpack
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
