The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
