k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
