Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
