Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
