how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
