Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
