if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
