I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
