hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Buhtt sex?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
