1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My liver just had a heart attack.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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