Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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