Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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