I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
