I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
