YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
