Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
