Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
