You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
