I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
