her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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