My cat gives me a boner
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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