oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
