and you said cock pushups were impossible
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
