one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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