I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
