wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
