Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
