i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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