The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
