Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
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Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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