pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
