Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Randomize
