I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
