Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
