She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
