Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
