Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
