He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
