I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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