I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
