The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
