She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
