We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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