I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
