Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
