Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
