So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
