I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
