Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
