He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
