Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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