you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
