I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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