this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
