its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
