Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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