VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
is it fun? or sober?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
