she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still dying that you shit outside
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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