I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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