East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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