worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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